CANCER KILL BODY MEDICATION DESTROYS THE SOUL

Few moments in life reach inside and turn your soul a notch to the Westwind like your child’s face in doubt. I had told my children their father had died earlier and answered to the best of my ability the awkward questions. My son had reacted strangely to the news.

I kept monitoring him not wanting to rush him for an explanation. His oldest sister concerned took him aside for a brother to sister powwow. Coming up the stairs, she was crying and said, “Mom I have to tell you something, but I don’t know how I’m going to tell you.” I know this is going to wreck you inside.

DEEP BREATH

Deep breath in I put on the ” mother face that can face anything tell me the truth and it will be alright.” I’m telling myself to be composed and handle it gently. Keep face from as much expression as possible.

What proceeded is private, but I was devastated — utterly shocked to my core. My daughter had found out why my son was so happy and relieved his father was gone. The question of why he had said, please tell me he can’t come back to us in any form? My husband had been on over 18 different medications, plus new chemo for his skin cancer.

He was a handsome man who got a lot of attention for his beautiful ocean light green eyes. My son believes his father’s eyes were black and sometimes with no white in them those were the awful days.

SUPPORT WITH NO PRESSURE

He hadn’t been the person I married for several years. I didn’t realize how much he had hidden from me. We were in support him through cancer routine. Locked into making sure he had no pressure and excusing all behavior because he was fighting a sickness. I asked less and fewer questions because that always caused stress; the one thing he asked is “Let me do this my way with no pressure.”

My response, Ok honey if that’s the way you want me to love you through this it will be hard but ok. I had meant it til death does us part in sickness and health. My sons’ bedroom was beside his father’s office. At night he had learned a side of his father that in his words had become bad not his father anymore. I agree my husband lost something significant of himself. I believe medications take away the dignity of a person soul when they tamper with their personality and moral compass.

REALITY OF MY SON’S DECLARATION

I asked to see my son. Cuddled up I prayed for strength and asked him questions. I think the look on his face will be with me forever. He had been six and trying to protect his sisters and me from just how far over the edge my husband had gone. Worse he had been told not to tell me he had used a son’s love for his mother to keep him quiet.

Many adults contributed to my husband’s medicated altered personality at each fork in the road; there were doctors, nurses, and friends who enabled his integrity to fall into ruin. In his son’s eyes, daughters eyes, and wife.

The bottom line is he chose how he would live his last years and die. I do believe there was a slew of contributing factors that people used to get what they wanted especially the nurse practitioner in charge of his care. She will go under the hall of fame of the worst people on the planet in my children’s opinion. I happen to know of worse, so I hold my thoughts. I could if I wanted to put a significant number of medical staff and certainly one nurse practitioner below the jail for deeds done.

SAD TRUTH

It wouldn’t change anything nurses will keep having affairs and being possessive to get insurance money. Doctors will keep hiding their ineptness the cycle will go on until there’s no need to use their services. It’s sad but true. Cancer will kill the body but medications, chemo, and dysfunctional medical tactics destroy the integrity of the soul and moral compass.

I don’t have the energy for that fight. Now is about my children and moving on into a happier stable world of good. Surrounding us with positive role models, people worth knowing and forging relationships with and leaving the terrible past behind.

I could probably make a movie on how diabolical the situation was from start to finish. My husband used a great deal of manipulation and had plenty of people helping him keep everything from me. I at last put to rest my thoughts on the matter.

LAYING IT DOWN

I was an exceptional wife every day I gave my utmost to put him first and support him. There was no audience; only heaven knows my deeds recorded in time. I lay him to rest the man he was in reality and not the illusion I believed I knew. There’s peace in that to finally say, “Ok your way it was and now I lay to rest the way it is for all time.”

One day I hope people will question the status quo and become a culture of fitness. I believe in this goal, and I know that TYTAX is a significant portion of making it happen in homes all over the world. Until then we will continue on as a family of fitness ever reaching for a path that is sure.